Any workout music you know about and would like to share with me? i use my mp3 player while walking and working out and i need some new tunes. :)

I just adopted some eggs! thanks to lj user gwynethfar!

you should click on them :)



i'm new to this dragon egg thing, but it seems really cool :)

my mean boyfriend just farted in my face. he's a jerk and isn't getting laid tonight.

ooooh how i love karma :)

Emily is 3 months old and can now roll over! how exciting :)

i was looking at pictures from the hospital and the first couple days we brought her home and i just can't believe how much she's changed already, i swear every week she changes! she's so adorable. ugh i love her so much!
i need to put up some pics on here, i'll do that tomorrow <3
james is coming over tomorrow and i hope we do something fun. i'm soooo sick of sitting in this house and cleaning, i need to get out and do stuff!
next week i'm signing up for cosmetology. i'm trying to decide if i want to start school in january or august. if i start school in january, emily will only be 7 months old, i feel like i shouldn't leave her then. if i wait till august she'll be a year and 2 months old and although i don't want to leave her at all, that's a lot better than 7 months.

http://www.momadvice.com/parenting/bottlefeeding.aspx

i'm glad i found this mother's story, i've also made a new friend who also had to bottle feed! it makes me feel a lot better. I'm not saying that i disagree with breast feeding (and next child i will try just as hard as i did with emily) but there are some reasons why mothers aren't able to breast feed and this is just one of them.

I'm so bored that i decided i'll start my lj back up again! What's been going on since i last updated..


I gave birth.
I've lost friends.
I've gained friends.
I am depressed.
I am happy.
I'm more in love than i was 2 months ago.
I lost 25 lbs.
I just recently have started working out and plan on weighing 120 by next june, my 21st birthday.
I'm busy.
I have a hideous stomach.
I've become more insecure. (due to weight/stretch marks)
I love being a mommy!

I want a job. This is a tough decision. Do i leave my baby girl? I don't want to. I don't think i will. I really want some money though! I can't even buy clothes and i need new bras. My boobs have doubled in size and i can only fit into one bra that i have and it's beginning to fall apart.

I just keep telling myself that it will get better. I love my little girl and i have to stay happy so she'll be happy.

I really want to dye my hair, it's been a while and my hair looks boring. See? I can't even buy a box of hair dye lol.

I love James. Things are going so well right now. I'm scared I'll be hurt again though. I never want to go through that again. Heartache has to be the worst.

Where in the world are my friends? Yanno, when i became pregnant they were all SO excited and couldn't wait to see the baby. Now it's like i don't even exist! I haven't seen my best friend since i gave birth! She doesn't even really talk to me anymore. Oh and to all my other friends, you suck. I've now made mommy friends (or mommy to be friends) who know what i went through and what i'm going through and are there for me when i need to vent. Thank you to those of you who actually care.

Oh well, most people suck. I have who i need in my life and i don't really need anyone else. Maybe this is what happens when you become a mom? I don't know.

I'm hoping i see results from working out in a month. If not, i'll be disappointed. Even if it's just 5 pounds, it will make me even more motivated to lose weight. I can't stay like this. It's so unhealthy. I won't tell how much i weigh but i never thought i would be this big. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I hate pictures. I don't want my boyfriend looking at my body. This is no fun and needs to change fast. I'll just feel more and more insecure and jealous of other girls.

I guess i'm done for the night. I hate saturday nights by myself. No one to talk to and nothing to do :(

Wow this post is so depressing lol.

when does the indigestion end? help!

10 more days and it will be a month since my grandma passed away. i miss her so very much. i had a dream of her the other night and it brought back memories from when i was young. i used to ride horses with her every day. she used to come over and ask me how school was over and over again because of her dementia. i even miss that about her. the way she cared about everyone else but herself was amazing. i've never met someone who gave so much to everyone else when she didn't even have the money to do it. it breaks my heart that she can't be here in june to see the baby. i know she would have been so happy. it's hard to even go to my grandpa's house without wanting to cry. this just sucks.

We've got a little emily smith on the way :)

less than 8 weeks..i'm getting pretty dang nervous about going into labor.

i still need..

diapers
wipes
more blankets
onesies times 100
a crib
a pack and play
a highchair
crib sheets
bassinet sheets
a boppy
breast pump
socks
caps


i feel like the list goes on and on. i'm just so excited that's she's going to be here so soon!

I'm so excited! I have another ultrasound this wednesday and we'll find out for sure if james and i are definitely having a girl! I pretty much know that i am, but you never know. I can't wait to see her wednesday! I'm just hoping james can get out of class to go. My sugar test came back and i passed it, no gestational diabetes for me! and of course the HIV test came back negative. The doctor said the weight i've put on is normal and everyone is different with weight gain, but i still feel like a big watermelon and i've put on way too much weight. I'll be working really hard to get all this weight off and hopefully lose the weight i had even before the baby. That would probably make me feel a lot better about myself. I can't wait to get back to working and making money also. It sucks being broke and depending on parents for 10 bucks here and there. I hate asking for money.

We've decided on a name! At first i really wasn't too thrilled about the name emily, but james persuaded me. So it's going to be Emily Jacqueline Smith. Emily is a cute name and i think it's grown on me the more i think about it. :)
It's hard to find a first name that goes well with jacqueline, but there's no taking jacqueline out of the name so emily will just have to work with it.

I've been getting NO sleep at night. It's driving me nuts! I'll lay in bed for hours..just laying there. I guess because i have so much on my mind and i just sit there and think..and think..and think some more. Maybe it's getting me used to staying up all night. I really don't know.

I had my sugar test today, i'm nervous about the results and hoping everything is alright. i also had a rhogam test and another silly HIV test. I'm done with this testing stuff!

I'm starting to have braxton hicks contractions and they're pretty annoying..and painful. it's no fun when you're trying to get to sleep at night with indigestion, can't get comfortable and then getting contractions to top it off. It all will be worth it though!

Tomorrow is my next doctor's appointment and that means i have to get on the evil scale. I've already gained so much weight and i'm dreading to see how much i've gained these last three weeks.
Pretty soon i'll be going to the doctor every week instead of every 3 weeks. They need to hurry up and give me another ultrasound! I want to make sure i know i'm having a little girl, and not a james junior! I wouldn't mind having a boy, but so many people have already given me girl clothes.

I'm sick and it's no fun. Tomorrow i'll find out what all i can take to get rid of this dumb sore throat.

it's 6 in the morning, i can't sleep. i've been up all night tossing and turning. today is the viewing and i'm not looking forward to it and all night i've been wondering how my grandpa is doing all by himself at home, without his wife of 50 years by his side.

i think i'm getting sick. i have a headache and my throat is bothering me. :( and i doubt there's any good medicine they can give me for my throat, since all you can really take when you're pregnant are tums and tylenol..regular strength. blah.

i'm having terrible insecurities and feeling like no one likes me, i guess it just goes along with pregnancy. this has been quite the experience. there's been so many highs and lows throughout the past 7 months, but i really wouldn't change what i've had to go through for her to get here. yeah i complain about gaining 100 lbs and the morning sickness, no balance, no drinking beer when i want, no jogging or doing jumping jacks if i really wanted to do them, watching what i eat (haven't done a very good job with that lately) but it honestly is all worth it. becoming a mother is one of the best things that can happen to you. i definitely feel like i've changed. before i was pregnant i had no desire to want to do school, i didn't seem to care about myself and didn't feel like anyone cared anyways. now i can't wait to start school and actually be somebody, go somewhere with life and make myself a better person, and a better mother. i'm ready for her to get here. i'm ready to hold my daughter and show the world how beautiful she is.

my grandma passed away yesterday. all i can think about is how much i miss her. sometimes i don't understand why God takes our loved ones away, but i know he has a plan for all of us and this was just part of his plan. i know she really wanted to see the baby and i'm so upset that she won't be here to see her, but i know she's in such a better place and out of pain. she has suffered all of her life, losing her first husband, losing her 3 year old son just a couple months after losing her first husband, breast cancer, 3 hip replacements, and these past 7 months have been nothing but pain for her. i love you grandma and you will always be one of the most amazing people i know. you were such a strong woman and i wish i could be half as strong as you were.


2 more months and the baby is here! i can't believe how fast it's going, i can't wait until james and i can hold her and love her. james is going to be a great father. he's been so good to me and makes me so very happy. the first few months without him were really rough. i'm so glad we're back together and i don't want to lose him.

we can't seem to decide on a name yet. the middle name will be jacqueline after my grandma, but we can't agree on the first name! i'm sure we'll find a perfect name that fits her well. :)

Wow, so i'm half way!! i'm 20 weeks pregnant! It's crazy how fast time goes by, i feel like i have so much to do before the baby gets here. I'm excited and ready to be a mother. I know i'm young but feel that everything happens for a reason, God is going to bless me with a beautiful baby =) i don't seem to care about anything else right now, just waiting for june 9th to get here! i'll take some pictures of my belly and post them later. =)

haven't updated in a while..

i'm having a girl! savannah jacqueline smith. i think. i'm not too positive on the first name yet. we'll see :)

hello everyone!